CoSex and Love Addicts Anonymous Connecticut Courage to change the things I can and Wisdom to know the difference

June 19, 2009

Tools for Recovery

Filed under: — brenda @ 1:01 pm

Tools for Recovery

Working the program-using COSLAA tools for

1.  Detachment and asking for help.
Letting go of the struggle to control the behavior of the sex and love addict and making a reach out call to the helpline 860 456 0032 are vital to early recovery.

2.  Attending 4-6 meetings.
Our program encourages newcomers to attend 4-6 meetings before deciding whether or not this 12 step group will be helpful to you.

3.  Working the steps.
Each of the twelve steps of COSLAA are featured a new step a month.  Although they are presented in order, the working of them is done as needed.

4.  Anonymity.
First names only.  What is spoken in the meeting, stays there.  Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of our program.

5.  Unity of purpose.
COSLAA has but one purpose, to reach the suffering family, friends, and significant others whose lives have been affected by a sex and love addict.  COSLAA meetings are not open to sex and love addicts.

6.  Serenity prayer.
Meetings open and close with this simple yet profound prayer to let go of the control of others and to take responsibility for managing one’s  life.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And wisdom to know the difference.

7.  Fellowship.
Members of COSLAA help each other come out of the isolation and loneliness of the illness of codependency to a sex and love addict.  Phone contact, taking a walk, meeting before or after a meeting can help to foster recovery.

8.  Sponsorship.
COSLAA encourages newcomers to ask to be “sponsored.”  This means a COSLAA member who has a year or more in program can help guide a newcomer in early self care and working the steps.  Steps 4 and 5 are suggested steps to work with a sponsor.

9.  Slogans.
Many of the 12 step slogans common to other 12 step groups may be used in COSLAA.  For example:  Let Go, Let God.
One Day at a Time. Easy does it.  Expect a miracle.  Progress not perfection.  To thine own self be true.  Adopt an attitude of gratitude.

10. Shedding shame.
Entering recovery, many newcomers carry shame about themselves and their sex addicted other.  COSLAA encourages dropping shaming as a way of coping.  Acceptance of one’s and another’s own illnesses of sex and love coaddiction–and their sex and love addiction–grants permission for each to work a recovery program.

11.  Keep coming back.
Meeting makers do make it.  That means continued attendance in COSLAA brings healing to initial wounding, and then greater healing in all areas on one’s life.  We will reap the COSLAA promise of a way of life that will allow us to be happier-securing a freedom beyond our current day to day living.


  1. Not sure what is meant by URL,sorry,not a PC geek,but getting there.
    Love the website.
    Hi, I have family connections in the USA; tho I live in the UK.
    But, pretty late in life, I am trying to ‘recover’ vital bits of my original self after being torn to shreds in a ‘crash ‘n burn’ relationship,that I was trying to ‘fix’ from the get go.and ,it took seven years to hit a brick wall.
    I dont know if this email will reach anyone, so before I continue, ..or share anymore, I will try to submit this for now. Hope to hear back from someone. I got your website thru’ a dear member who kindly shared this address with me, as I was visiting my family briefly in the USA, tho’ was not able to make it to a meeting.
    best from me,

    Comment by Annie — October 18, 2009 @ 3:11 pm

  2. I have tried leaving a comment / reply already, hope this wont go on for ever

    Comment by Annie — October 18, 2009 @ 3:13 pm

  3. Dear Annie–

    You may not still be checking the site, but I wanted to respond to you. I am a new member, the 20-year wife of a sex and love addict. Thank you for writing in. I spent the summer of 2007 in the UK, and I wish I could be there now. At any rate, I’d be happy to email you. It’s not as good as a face-to-face meeting, but it’s better than nothing. My address:

    Comment by Robin — March 12, 2010 @ 12:04 am

  4. I’ve been married to my husband for 5 years. I’m Spanish and he is American. He is the love of my life, but I never expect to suffer so much for his pornography addiction and now, after 5 years begging him to stop I have give him a very last chance to change o fix this problem. I never thought this will hurt me so much, but I am really devastated and when I ask him for a reason why he does it, he mostly blame it on me or get so angry. I don’t know what to do, but I can say that I never been so miserable in my life. I blocked every single access to pornography, block the internet, HBO, Cinemax, etc, but he started downloading porn videos from limewire and programs like that.
    I hope somebody tell me what else to do.


    Comment by veronica — February 23, 2011 @ 6:27 pm

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